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“A LOT OF HESITANT YESES” CAN LEAD TO SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL

This has been seminarian John Paul Philips’ experience. He shares a heartfelt account of his vocation journey, reminding us that God is faithful and He is near, always.

John Paul with Bishop Robert Barron (Bishop of the Diocese of Winona–Rochester).

I come from a small town called Kaikaluru in Andhra Pradesh, India, a quiet place where life
is simple, and faith runs deep in many homes. I grew up in a Catholic family where daily
family prayer was the norm and serving at the altar for mass was part of my childhood.
Though I didn’t fully grasp the depth of the Mass as a kid, I remember being drawn to the
mystery of it all, the silence, the candles, the incense. Something sacred was taking root,
even if I didn’t know it yet. Things began to shift more deeply during my 11th and 12th grades,
which I spent in Vijayawada at a Jesuit boarding school. That environment played a huge
role in drawing me closer to the faith. There was something compelling about the
intellectual rigor, the daily Masses, the atmosphere of prayer, and the companionship of
fellow students who were earnestly seeking God. For the first time, I began to take prayer
seriously and ask bigger questions about my life: What is God asking of me? Could He be
calling me to the priesthood? I was really skeptical of it. Part of me wanted it, part of me did
not.

In 2017, right after high school, I entered seminary in India. I spent two years in minor
seminary what we called the Initiation Years, followed by a propaedeutic year and then
three years studying philosophy at the college seminary. Those years were formative, of
course not always easy, but deeply enriching. I learned how to pray better, how to wrestle
with doubts, and how to begin the slow work of interior transformation. But something else
was growing in me too, a kind of restlessness. A desire not just to serve in the familiar but to
go out beyond. A desire to be a missionary priest.



“One thing has become clearer than ever: I didn’t choose this life, Jesus chose
me. He called me gently, yet persistently, and patiently.”


That desire grew stronger around 2020. I remember speaking about it with my spiritual
director. He was wise and gentle in his response: “Don’t act impulsively,” he said. “But pray
with it. Sit with it. If the desire remains then we’ll talk again.”

It didn’t go away. In fact, it intensified.

In 2022, I found myself reflecting more and praying more with this desire. I had grown up
watching Bishop Robert Barron’s videos. His way of explaining the faith struck a chord in
me. Around that time, he had become the bishop of Winona-Rochester in Minnesota. So I
reached out to the diocese and was connected with the vocation director, Fr. Jason Kern.
Through many months of discernment, prayer, and open conversations, it became clear
that the Lord was inviting me to take a leap of trust across continents.

So God helped me in the Fall of 2023 to move to the United States to begin formation in the
Diocese of Winona-Rochester. I did two years of pre-theology at Immaculate Heart of Mary
Seminary in Winona, Minnesota. It’s been an incredible journey, humbling, stretching, and
joyful all at once. I’ve been blessed with wonderful formators, brother seminarians, and
spiritual director who have helped me grow as an integrated man. I’ve had to learn new
ways of being, navigating a different culture, and letting the Lord work in new and
unexpected ways. This fall, I’ll be starting theology at Mundelein Seminary, Chicago.
Through it all, one thing has become clearer than ever: I didn’t choose this life, Jesus chose
me. He called me gently, yet persistently, and patiently. I’ve said a lot of hesitant “yes”es,
but overtime the Holy Spirit has only affirmed me and strengthened me in my love for Jesus,
and now I can confidently say “I love you Jesus, my love, with all my being, and do with me
as you please.”

Some of my greatest joys in seminary are the quiet moments, holy hours in front of the
Lord, rosary walks alone with Our Lady. My love for Jesus has deepened so much over the
years. It’s no longer just a concept or a feeling; it’s a relationship, it’s a choice. He has
become the anchor, the center, the reason of my heart. There have been challenges, of
course. Discernment isn’t always straightforward. There were moments of doubt, of
wondering whether I was enough, whether I really heard God right. But through it all, the
Lord has been faithful, thereby enabling me to be faithful.

I draw a lot of inspiration from the saints. St. Maria Goretti’s purity and courage move me
deeply. St. Joseph’s silent strength and fatherhood is something I try to imitate. And the life
of Servant of God Sr. Clare Crockett, her radical joy and total surrender, continues to stir
something in me every time I hear her story.

My vocation isn’t something I earned or achieved. It’s a gift. A mystery. And a mission. I
don’t know what lies ahead, but I know who walks with me, and that’s enough.

Please pray for me as I continue this next phase of theology wherein, I configure my whole
self to Christ, and know that I’m praying for you too. May we all have the courage to say yes
to whatever the Lord is asking us.

Servant of God Sr. Clare Crockett, pray for us.


ABOUT THE AUTHOR

JOHN PAUL PHILIPS
A seminarian at the Diocese of Winona-Rochester, Minnesota, John Paul is passionate about proclaiming the Gospel through New Media. You can follow his vocation journey on his blog Faith As It Is and support his digital mission on Instagram.

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